


To Mar the Foolish Fates

by Gardenostalgic



Category: Midsummer Night's Dream - Shakespeare, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare
Genre: Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship, Brotp, Crossover, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, Unlikely meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:03:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gardenostalgic/pseuds/Gardenostalgic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Against all odds, Nick Bottom and Romeo meet. Mutual idiocy ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Mar the Foolish Fates

**Author's Note:**

> Set shortly before the beginning of Romeo and Juliet for Romeo, and sometime between Act One and Act Two of Midsummer for Bottom. Obviously I had to warp canon a bit to make this meeting happen, but nothing noticeable if you don't think too hard about it. If you do notice anything, please tell me so I can fix it! Tried to keep it sort of in Shakespeare's style, with the commoner speaking more colloquially and the noble in verse(ish). Disclaimer, I could never figure out how iambic pentameter works. More notes at the bottom if you want to read my ramblings.

_[at Bottom the weaver's shop]_

 

 **Bottom** \- O grim-looked night, O night with hue so black!

_[enter Romeo, unnoticed]_

O night, which ever art when day is not!

 O night, O night; alack, alack, alack,

I fear my Thisbe's promise is forgot--

 

 **Romeo** \- How now, player! For thou must be,

Unless my eyes deceiveth me.

Pray tell, whence might I find the shopkeep,

For I am told this is the finest cloth-house this side of town,

And much desire a fine gift for my finer lady-love, the radiant Rosaline.

Ah, that the sweet and odious attention of her breath may waft my way,

Or her shining eye meet mine for even the slightest wink o' the sun.

I would bedeck her slender neck in jewels

And drape her form in silks as soft as her fair skin.

 

 **Bottom-** Thou speak'st aright on both counts, m'lord, ample proof of the abundant sharp wit upon your shoulders. I have fine silks aplenty, and in ev'ry jewel-bright hue you could desire, that both your wishes might be met in their entirety, and thy lady-love want for nothing. Come, if you'll turn thine eye, these scarves could match even youthful flower for beauty.

 

 **Romeo-** Be you Bottom?

Methought thou words upon my entrance to be some great drama,

Some tale of love or tragedy,

To squeeze tears from the most stone-cold of hearts.

How come it that a good layman like yourself be so versed in the arts?

And, if I might be so bold as to ask a purview,

What does your play treat on?

 

 **Bottom-** Rather an ass than to claim I'm not he, and as for verse, my words are hardly my own. Good bully Quince the carpenter pens our play, which I and my company shall perform on the Duke's wedding day at night. Ah! But our devices are not yet known, and begging m'lord's discretion they will remain thus cloaked. If you'll hold your peace I might disclose more.

 

 **Romeo-** Never let it be said that Romeo disrobed the unwilling,

Nor brought to light that which preferred "the grim looked-night."

I would know more, whatsoe'r you want tell.

 

 **Bottom-** Marry, our play is: 'The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisbe'. A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry.

 

 **Romeo-** A fine uproarious tragedy, I am sure.

Are you for Pyramus then? My ear did detect the name of Thisbe' upon your tongue,

Heralding my arrival.

 

 **Bottom** \- Oh most wondrous wit! Ay, my own part is for Pyramus, a lover that kills himself most gallant for love, in the words of good Peter Quince. Believing his dearest Thisbe' to be slain by grisly beast, vile lion, Pyramus takes his own bloody blameful blade to heart. The part asks some tears in the true performing of it, yet my chief humour is for a tyrant:

            The raging rocks,

            And shivering shocks,

            Shall break the locks

                  Of prison-gates;

            And Phibbus' car

            Shall shine from far

            And make and mar

                   The foolish fates.

But this is a tyrant's vein: a lover is more condoling. I will move storms, I will condole in some measure; let the audience look to their eyes that they may water the crimson blooms of their cheeks.

 

 **Romeo-** Lofty words indeed!

But methinks Pyramus must be twice the fool,

Once, for expiring so soon, his lover's death left un-avenged and uninvestigated,

And twice again for the root of the act, the beating chest-tool

Named 'heart.'

Never could he have felt same fire in my veins, that he did leave the first deed undone.

I would die a hundred brutal deaths for my wondrous Rosaline,

Pyramus finds no fault there,

But I would slay a hundred thousand snarling, fanged beasts,

Or men! for but looking askance at her.

For the crime of drawing my lady's blood I would ensure his tree be barren evermore,

And press ripe fruit to cider before him,

That it stain boots and britches awash with red.

Such would be Pyramus' vengeance upon the lion, had he so loved his love as I love. 

Nay, Pyramus loved Thisbe not,

His self-made death a mere construct to pedestal his ego.

A statement, perchance, of self-importance.

 

 **Bottom-** Wise words for so young a lord, thou art truly the better learned of us two.  Not man nor beast could harbor ill-intentions toward thy lady, knowing such a fiery passion as yours defends her honor. Such a lack of opponents to throw themselves upon your sword begs a smaller token of affection, if my lord would recall his mission.

 

 **Romeo-** Of course, of course, I've tarried long enough.

Two scarves of your finest silk, I think,

One of red, for my passions to be known, and a second of purple,

That most royal of colors, that she might know she is queen of my heart.

With that I must away, but fates willing we will meet again, bully Bottom.

If fates be kind I may even call on your company to perform again at my own wedding,

Should my courtship go well.

Farewell, friend Bottom, if you'll wish me well I'm sure our paths will cross again.

 

_[exeunt Romeo, with scarves]_

**Author's Note:**

> So some things I changed: location is the obvious one, with Romeo in Verona and Bottom in Athens, but shhhhhh. Also, after thinking about it a bit, I think Bottom would probably have a stall at an open air market rather than a shop, since it was Athens and he is a lower-class craftsman. That's assuming he even sold his wares himself and not through a middleman. I don't actually know much about Athenian economics, whoops. I do, however, know textiles, and Athens did in fact have silk weavers and purple dye made from mussels, at least around early 12th century. So that's believable ish. I'm probably over-thinking it anyway. This was originally written for an AP Lit assignment, but hey, +one year later and I don't hate it, so might as well post. I've read tons of fanfic but never tried writing any before, so I'm really looking for any feedback anybody will give. Please be gentle.


End file.
